Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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