I think I died a long time ago.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She needs sedatives and a leash
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
