I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
