I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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