You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
