it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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