I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
