hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
