I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
