Got a toothbrush?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
