I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize