Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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