I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
