im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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