Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
