I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
