Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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