This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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