A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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