It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
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It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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