You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
