You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
