you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She needs sedatives and a leash
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
