Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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