the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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