what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
