Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Randomize
