That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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