She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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