btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
