The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
