the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
