You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she told me i tasted like america
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
