You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Two words: nipple clamps
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