just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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