I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
