I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
