in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
