singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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