just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
