Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
