The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
