It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
