i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
