The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
