Just cropdusted the office
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
