But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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