Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
