Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I will die if light touches me.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
