I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
