It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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