I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
