The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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