After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
