piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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