Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
