i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
