Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
