The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
