Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
