Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
