I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
