I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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