Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
