If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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