You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
