i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize