and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
