just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
