I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
